LIKE IT'S 1999 by Karen Grey

Author:Karen Grey [Grey, Karen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781734833072
Publisher: HOME COOKED BOOKS

Later that night, Kate taps on the door of her guestroom. “Alice, are you okay?”

The concern in Kate’s voice has the damn tears leaking again. “Yeah, I just need a minute.”

“Alice, it’s me. Can I come in? Please?”

Grabbing a tissue, I swipe it across my face. I really don’t know if I can deal with anybody right now. Even Kate. “Yeah, okay. I mean, it’s your house.”

The door cracks open, and she peeks in. “Oh, honey.”

I can’t stand the pity on her face. Shaking my head, I try to rally. “What are you doing up? Isn’t this way past your bedtime?”

“Oh yeah, but Imogen had a nightmare, and then I nursed the baby. And then I saw your light was on.” She closes the door behind her and sits next to me on the bed. “I’m sorry I fell asleep before we could really hang out.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know how you do it all.”

“As Will used to say, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Anyway, they’re worth it.” The bliss-fueled smile on her face—the fact that she’s so obviously happy—has me tearing up again. “Sweetie, what’s going on?”

I am such a bad friend. How can I resent her good fortune? It’s not her fault that my life is a wreck. It’s my own damn fault. “I don’t want to ruin this visit and your anniversary with my stupid drama.”

“You idiot.” She scoots close and puts an arm around my shoulder. “You’re my best friend. Your drama is my drama.”

I relax into her side. I must be hug deprived. “My life is a complete and total mess.” I make a show of looking at my watch. “This could take all night.”

“Like I said, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Didn’t Warren Zevon write a song called ‘I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead’?”

“You’re asking me?” She gives me mom eyes. “Spill.”

“Okay, okay. Make yourself comfortable.”

I shift back to sit against the headboard, she lies down across the end of the bed, and I tell my sad, stupid story—how Tim and my mom berated me about having kids until I went off the pill. How I’ve been pregnant five times and how each one has ended in a miscarriage.

“And the thing is”—I push the words past the stupid tears clogging my throat—“I’ve never even wanted to have children. My body is probably rejecting them because it knows I’ll be a crappy mother.”

“That is not true.” Kate grabs my ankle and shakes it until I meet her gaze. “You will be an amazing mom if it works out. But… obviously, if you really don’t want kids, you shouldn’t be, like, forced to have them. It’s the twentieth century, for god’s sake.” Then she smacks me. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Ow. I don’t know.” I sigh. “It all just snowballed. Miscarriages—it’s all so weird. I mean, none of them were particularly late, so it’s not like I felt the baby moving or anything. But it’s weird. I feel this loss, but I also feel relieved.” I grab a tissue and blow my nose.

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